Dreaming of non-maternity clothing

Hello. I just devoured Coming Home by Rosamunde Pilcher.

And while searching for this picture of the book cover I learned that there is a MINISERIES starring EMILY MORTIMER and also PAUL BETTANY and KEIRA KNIGHTLEY. And it can be watched instantly! I want to delay watching it, though, just to savor the deliciousness of such a prospect.

So, I'll keep writing about non-maternity clothing. After reading Coming Home all I wanted was to tuck my blouse into a wool skirt, slip on some oxfords and a big cardigan and traipse on down to a beach.

But I have no waist. I have a baby in there instead.

So I'm vowing to buy myself some Rosamunde Pilcher-inspired 1930's clothing when I regain my youthful figure.

Perhaps this skirt...

And this blouse...

With these shoes...

I'm definitely buying those shoes. I just okay'd a $250 purchase for my husband (a fancy vaporizer to protect his lungs from the damages of illicit smoke) so I think my time is ripe for some spendy oxfords.

I forgot-- a cardigan is necessary for misty days of Oregon/Cornwall.

Essential that none of it matches perfectly. Must imitate the careless look of the outdoorsy rich.

I'm back again. I took a detour to the hospital--a terrifying flurry of pre-term labor at twenty-six weeks of pregnancy. A one o' clock in the morning call to Phil from my hospital bed, saying "You have to come back, they're saying I'm dilating, they're giving me meds." A four year old girl carried in to the hospital room fast asleep. A husband holding me, firmly asking to be explained our options. IV's going in and drugs to still my uterus. A baby boy's heartbeat, loud and insistent and gorgeous, broadcast over the room, punctuated by his kicks.

And then winding down, stillness, tentative peace. Wheeled out of the hospital into the fine air. Taken home, surrounded by cushions.

I've been on bed rest for almost five weeks now.

 

I'm learning to be peaceful. I'm remembering to daydream about lovely things--scratchy wool skirts, and the ocean, and peppermint white mochas. I'm lighting candles, and ignoring the clutter, and knitting.

 Pretending to snooze for the camera.

Failing and Trying Again

 Hello again. It's been two weeks and I have not written anything. But that doesn't mean I haven't made anything. I have created:

+ Many beautiful meals for my family

+ a few lists of things for which I'm grateful

+ a re-reading of The Silver Chair (very inspiring for those of us with dreams of being a children's novelist)

+ clean floors in my kitchen

+ a frame for Maggie's drawing of our family.

  I spent all day yesterday morose, ashamed, and judgmental. I was not happy with my progress yesterday. I spent hours trolling the internet on my phone, wrapped up in the drama of other "blended" families. I have an app for my pregnancy and it includes a special interest group for people with stepkids, bio kids, halfsies and all the other types of mixed families. There's a lot of anger and despair in that group. I'm going to stay away from now on.

  So, to recap: I judged myself for not creating anything. And I stimulated my boredom by reading other people's drama.

  Today I'm choosing to stay awake after dropping Maggie at school. I'm going to make a cup of coffee, take a shower, buy groceries and go to the library. I'm going to read at least one poem.

  This dress looks glamorous and vulnerable. I'd like to exude both qualities today, as a pick-me-up. Some lipstick and some emotional honesty. 

by French designer Delphine Manivet via Cup of Jo

I'm back.

I tried blogging at tumblr, and then realized I don't want to learn the tumblr format, with the "notes" and the "brevity"  and the thing where they don't let me leave spaces between my paragraphs.




ha.










ha ha!


Making spaces at will is important to a poet.

I want to write more about cardiographies, the maps of my heart. My maps have expanded since I last wrote here. I have walked toward poetry, marriage, motherhood, home, essence, and birkenstocks.

I can make a cappuccino now, and I know what a villanelle is.

I await a little baby boy, due at the turn of the year.

Cecco di Pietro, excerpt from Madonna and Child with Donors, 1386, tempera on wood.

 I took this snapshot on my phone at the Portland Art Museum.

I am equipped with a contract with myself, derived at Wings seminars:

I am holy, aligned, and living in passion.

I know that I am holy, I strive to be aligned, I feel passionate about some aspects of my life. I know struggle is the big story of life--I think I understand now that everyone lives in change and aspiration, turmoil and progress, movement and darkness.

I want to make my map clearer so I can see who I am being every day. So I can see where I am going, and how quickly, and what distracts me, what excites me, what I love.

I want to see the things I choose and what I ignore, here on these pages.


I want to show off some things that I make.

 I want to keep a record of my days, to hold myself accountable and to celebrate.

Let's see how I do, shall we?

So today I start my new job...

I got hired at Anthro. And today is my training day. And they told me I'm going to have to schedule an appointment with one of their personal shoppers "to get familiar with the store" i.e. to be told how to dress like an Anthrolite? Not sure, but I'm excited and nervous. I'm going to document my metamorphosis.

Using my shitty photobooth camera, because I do not have even an iPhone. And I also don't care about quality. Because this is just for Katie and Andrea and Alison, and the other beezez if you read the blog. pretty much :)








so far, this outfit --er, ENSEMBLE-- is sans accessories, besides the mary-janes. I'm thinking maybe just some silver earrings, bracelet, something like that. you can't really tell in the terrible photos, but the top has detail around the collar, black crochet stuff, and the red sash has print... so I'm doing some texture already. kind of. oh, i've got an awesome ring. that will be perfect.

OKAY WISH ME LUCK, BEEZEZ.

Oh, also...

I have had this site saved in my bookmarks as "OMG OMG OMG necklace" for months now. I feel like it's my little pet, and sometimes I just wander off to look at it and yearn for $94+s&h to make it mine...

Mmmmmmm want want

Ugh. So perfect.

I guess I'll just have to get crafty and make it myself for a Midsummer's Eve present, or some nonsense like that.

I blog when I want to make you SUPER JEALOUS:

Wait for it, wait for it....



Sendin' love...




but also talkin smack....



BAM



AND A KERBAM! muhfuckin Fryes from the eighties for a cool $38.

Also in this episode:


A BADASS CAPE FOR A BADASS SUPERHERO.


Hooded, so as to enhance my feminine mystique and nefarious nighttime escapades.


Can also be employed as a catalyst for cuteness.



Fills my heart to the brim. Sending you many loves from West coast to East.

++photos taken with shitty photobooth...
++boots and poncho/cape purchased at my place of employment: HWGA